New shoes

I ran in the evening again. I don't like evening runs particularly, but I did it and it's another run under my belt. I was away last night, so an early morning run was out of the question. My new shoes had arrived to work, so I picked them up yesterday and had them to look forward to inaugurating today.

Ta da! That's them. My new Hoka Cliftons. They are different. The sole was seriously springy. It was like running on thick foam. They were very light despite how chunky they are. They are reviewed on a running site that I use as a long distance shoe and suitable for light over pronators. So they should work for me. I just wonder what sort of support they offer.

I ran five miles this evening and my time was a little better than previous attempts. It still bugs me that despite having run a lot more than five miles on many occasions, five miles is still hard for me. My knees feel better after the run than they did before it. Interesting.

Last two runs

I'm off work this week, but I'm feeling smug because I got up early and ran yesterday regardless of that. I did five miles. It was tough enough,  given that I've run more than five miles on many occasions now. My knees have been tired and sore, particularly the right one. I wondered about getting up early and running again this morning. I ended up having a lie in. And much enjoyed it was too. But it was in my head all day tgat I owed myself eight miles. I could have run tomorrow and Wednesday instead, but in the end I went out at five o'clock instead. I just wanted to get it done. While I wasn't so keen on running in the evening traffic, I still ran well and my pace was better than it normally is in the morning. 

I got an email to say that a parcel had been delivered to work. I'm pretty sure that it's my new Hoka running shoes, so I'm going to collect them when I'm in Belfast tomorrow. I'm thinking that the Brooks I bought recently are not giving me enough support for the high mileage runs, and that's possibly why my right knee is getting sore. Hoka are supposed to be really good for long distances. Fingers crossed.

The Usual Friday Anticipation

I wonder, if I wasn't worried about my boredom and the need to pooh half way through my long run, if I would still have this Long Run Eve feeling of nerves? I was considering a different route this week to what I did last week, just to be a bit closer to home, and thus a loo. I ended up doing my eight miler, then turning back and doing it in reverse. It was a bit shy of the sixteen miles, so I tacked a bit on the end. It worked okay, but I hate having to find an extra kilometer or two near the end of a run.

As it turned out, I didn't need the loo at all. I managed to "squeeze the cheese" before I left, and that tided me over. The run took three hours, thirty-three minutes. That's five minutes faster than last week. Not much, in the scheme of things, but an improvement nonetheless. I have to admit though, it was not easy going. I was really pissed off for the first few miles. I just couldn't get my head round the distance that I had to go. I was just getting on to the ring road, only three kilometers in, and I couldn't envisage going twenty-three more. It actually really got me down. I felt quite emotional. I was really thinking of giving up, and what that would mean to me. As much as the start of the run wasn't fun, and I so wanted to go straight home (and for some reason, I was quite close to tears. No idea why.) The thought of giving up on this particular challenge does not sit well with me! I was peeved, I suppose, because I know in advance just how long the run is going to take me, and it's a bit depressing. Regardless, I just kept plodding along. A book I read recently misquoted Dory from Finding Nemo, "Just keep running, just keep running..." and that's what I did. Something that helped me was realizing that after today, I only had three long runs left, a sixteen miler and two eighteen milers. Then the next long run will be MD itself!

One way or another, I did it. I finished. I listened to Jane Eyre on audio book (got through ten chapters of it!) and felt relatively okay by the end of it. By mile ten, a sort of contentment set in. Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say I hit a runner's high. So far, it's a mythical thing to me. I've no experience of it. I wonder if I will ever run into it. Seems unlikely to me at this point in time. But sure, you never know.

It was a lot lighter this morning than before. I ran nearly the whole thing in full daylight. This will be even more the case from next week. So I am no longer running under cover of darkness. I  hate running in daylight, I'm too fat to look like a proper runner that anyone could take seriously. But I just have to get used to it. It's certainly going to be the case on MD.

And now, long run complete, I can enjoy my week off. The run was hanging over my head till now.

Much better

After that thoroughly miserable post yesterday, "Oh woe is me. My knee is falling off. What will I do?!?!" I am chuffed to note that it's loads better today. Ibuprofen, extra K T tape and a good night's sleep all seem to have combined to work their magic. Smiley faces all round. So just gotta do more of the same (minus the pain killers) today, and all will hopefully be well for my run in the morning. I think I will take some tablets before running though, just in case.

Very sore right knee

My right knee niggled all through my run this morning. Normally, once warmed up, there's no pain till I stop. Today though, it hurt until I'd run 6km. Ironically, the left knee didn't hurt at all, and it was always the one that gave me trouble before all this marathon training. The pain eased for a kilometer, then I got the weirdest pain in my right thigh as I was running downhill. It was sharp and felt almost as if I'd hit a funny bone in my thigh. It happened a couple of times and, for the first time in my training, I had to walk for a minute or two to get rid of  it. It was so out of the blue that I nearly cried. Not from the pain, but from the possibility that it might stop me running. That was odd, given that I'd spent a fair proportion of the run talking myself  into continuing!

I started a timid run for the last kilometer, and got home okay. The problem now is that the back of my right knee is really sore. It's never felt like that before. So I'm worried about it. I took some ibuprofen and  looked up some other applications of  K T tape, which I've tried out. Now all I have to do is rest it tomorrow, and hope I can run sixteen miles on Saturday morning.

It's amazing that I even care that this could stop me running. I was just thinking this morning that I actually don't enjoy running at the moment. I feel as if I'm obliged to run. All the training mileage is making me feel fed up. Yet I don't like the idea that the choice would be taken out of my hands. Or do I? Imagine  I could get out of the marathon, and I'd no choice. Wouldn't that be great? No. I've nearly got to the end of week ten. Imagine wasting that. I'd always regret that. There's no point in denying that. I'd hate it. So here's hoping I can head this bad knee off at the pass.

A lot more perky today

I feel so much better for having had a good night's sleep. I went to bed by ten thirty, early for me, and was up at 6.30am, no run to do. That was great! So I'm not at all drained today. My knees were sore and my legs stiff in general after yesterday's run, but that's eased now too.

Nutritionally speaking though, I had a bad day yesterday. I ate every calorie I'd earned on the run and more. Even with the 200g of jelly sweets that I ate at work, I'd have come in under my allowance after a dinner of homemade chicken curry and brown basmati rice, but I got a tub of chocolate salted caramel ice cream and ate the whole darn thing. So I ended up about 1300 cals over for the day! Must do better :-) I'm still two stone lighter though, than I was at the start of the year, when I started the marathon training, with seven weeks to go. I can get a bit lighter yet. It all helps with the running. Mind you, apart from needing to pooh en route, I'm never going to have owt in common with Paula Radcliff.

I must be nuts

I'm so glad that I only have to do that four more times. Get up at 4.30 am, that is, to get my run done before work. It was eight miles this morning. It took an hour and three quarters. So up at 4.30, out the door before 4.45, back just before 6.30. All in time to have a shower, make a good brekkie (kale and bacon omelette) and get the train. Phew!

The run was okay initially, but I fatigued quite quickly and I am very tired now. I mean just drained of energy. Not enough carbs perhaps. As a solution, and perhaps not the best one, I got some jelly sweets in work. A big bowl of porridge and banana might have been a better option, but not the best thing to eat at my desk. It definitely perked me up a bit. Will there be a sugar crash now, I wonder?

Thinking about it though, I definitely didn't drink enough water yesterday, so I bet dehydration has something to do with it, especially as I don't bring anything to drink on the hoof, if the run is eight miles or less. I'll make an effort to do better today.

I'm going to cook some brown rice later as part of my campaign to increase my healthy carb intake. I will go back to the grain free, paleo lifestyle in seven weeks. Seven weeks!!! Bollocks, that's soon.

Not half bad....

....for a Monday. I felt quite comfortable on this morning's five miler. TA little tired, yes, and not overly quick, but not terribly slow either. I got to bed at a decent hour last night, so five am wasn't too tough to deal with. It was too warm for the base layer that I donned, but the rain soon cooled me down. I was hungry. But that's not surprising, given that I ate shit yesterday. For the first time in months, I bought Diet Boke (my Dark Fizzy Master, as TMM used to call it) and I ate two whole tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and no dinner. Not my finest hour, but I've been worse, and it's done now, so no point in repining.

Week ten of my marathon training is off to a god start, and Marathon Day, henceforth to be known as MD, is seven weeks today. Eek!

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.......

....less than fifty days to go! This is the countdown today on my Runkeeper account. It just seems like a few days ago when that had at least 120 days on it. But it's amazing how quickly the time goes in, not to mention all the training runs. Just a few weeks ago, it felt inconceivable that I would be able to run sixteen miles, and yet, that's exactly what I did yesterday morning. Sixteen miles all around Bangor.

When I told The Main Man where I'd been, he was a bit weirded out. Crawfordsburn, The Banks, Clandeboye Road, I circumnavigated the town. The mileage was a challenge, but once I was about five miles in, I got a rhythm going, and was able to shamble along. My main enemy yesterday was boredom. I was on my feet for three hours and thirty-eight minutes and it seemed a very long time. And I was acutely aware of the time passing. I wish I could zone out and just "flow" as my training book talks about. So far though, no joy, and much of yesterday's run was not fun due to the monotony. So next week, I think I'll go back to listening to the book.

This week's mid week runs are five, eight and five miles. That means getting up at 5am or 4.30am. This  is the most I will have to run mid week. It will be the case for five weeks. I can't believe I've go to this stage of the training. When I first saw the programme, I worried about these miles. It seemed like I couldn't possibly get up that early. Now, that's not such a big deal, and the miles themselves do not worry me. All that worries me now is the tedium. Even on the day itself, it's not the twenty-six point two that bothers me so much. I've done the training miles, I can do the marathon. I just need to focus a bit and remind myself again that I want to do this. But if I want to back out, I can do it at any time.

I can stop at any time. Honest!

It's that time of the week again when I start to worry about my Saturday long run. Sixteen miles tomorrow. I sure as Hell am not doing it round the park this week. As good an idea as I thought that was last week, I think it would kill me this week. But I'm working on my positivity (is that a real word, or did I just make it up?)

I don't have to do this, I've chosen to. I could stop at any time. So I'm going to shut the hell up and get on with it. I can just go out and enjoy running for the sake of running. It's getting lighter in the mornings, so I have more choices of places to run. I might try listening to the radio again, though that wasn't a great success yesterday, as there was a lot of static at times, and the only way to stop it was to have my hand on the earphone connection, that was acting as the aerial. I guess I don't really want to run like that for sixteen miles, never mind twenty-six!

My plan tomorrow is to run up the main road to Ballyrobert, turn right towards Crawsordsburn and run to Carnlea, then go through the trees there (if it's light by then) and hit the coastal path. By the time I get to Pickie, that should be ten miles. If I tack on my two normal three milers, or some of the ring road, that should see me finish. So a fair bit of the run will be new, and some will be picturesque. I hope to be done in three hours forty-five. Just one more distance increase to go in the training before the big day. I do sixteen miles three Saturdays in a row, then eighteen for two.

Bring on the Shambolic Shuffle!

Dietary adaptations

My paleo eating plan has been changed slightly for the past week, and I think it will remain so till the marathon is run. On Friday night, before my long run, I ate brown rice with my dinner, in an effort to start eating a bit more carbohydrate, then I used gels and sports drink on my run (pure sugar!) Last night, I also tried gluten free pasta with a paleo meatball and tomato sauce. It was okay, though if I'm going to use pasta, I might just go the whole hog and use whole wheat.

I must admit, I am feeling hungrier than normal this morning, and I wonder if it's the carbohydrate effect. It's such a long while since I had pasta of any sort, I'm not used to the feeling of massive fullness, then the emptiness afterwards anymore. Another thing is that I've become very spotty in the last few days, around my cheeks and neck, including a particularly attractive one on my upper lip. That could even be a cold sore, which thus far I haven't been prone to. I wonder if I'm run down, or not eating well enough. Or could it be down to the reintroduction of carby things? Interesting. I'll give it a week to see how it developes. It will be fun though, to tryto carb-load in the three days before the marathon :-) Then ice cream after. Oh yes! I shall enjoy that!

A new bum bag arrived today, one that should be big enough to hold my phone (which is masseeeve. A phablet in fact.) I think I will try listening to the radio on my long run this week, to see if that diverts me from the three and a half hours of being inside my own head (never a good place to be for such an extensive time :-D ) I'm also trying to find a nice route to distract me. It's a lot lighter earlier these mornings (thankfully I'm not as self conscious about running in the daylight anymore) so I might use the coastal path from Holywood. It's hilly in parts, but lovely. Maybe that'll take me out of myself a bit.

My latest marathon tome is Angry Jogger, by Angry Jogger. It's funny and full of foul language, right up my street. The writer is from Norn Irn too, a bonus which makes up for the fact that he's not a woman, which goes against my current marathon book policy. (Yeah, yeah, a very sexist policy. Get over it!) It's also about his first marathon attempt (in Belfast just a couple of years ago) and his gradual change from fat bastard to uber fit, ultra distance runner. By way of a bonus, his marathon training program is the very same book that I'm using, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how it pans out.

Seven and a half miles Baby!

You know something? Given I was quite tired at the start of yesterday's run, I expected more of the same today. And it wasn't like that at all. I started strong. I don't mean I was fast. I specifically wasn't fast. But I was comfortable. Instead of heading out to the ring road, as I'd intended, I did my two main 5k routes together, with a bit extra tagged on to the start and the end. And it felt good. Now, I was definitely tired by about 9k in, so the last 2.5k were not as comfortable, but it was totally manageable.

As much as I sometimes find the training schedule a big, scary commitment, I have to admit that I'm so much stronger than I was before I started. If I wasn't increasing my mileage so much, I'd be running my five km routes a few times a week, possibly trying Parkrun every now and again, but there's no way I'd be getting into running over ten miles in one fell swoop, never mind contemplating doing sixteen this weekend.

Feeling good and positive today :-)

Nervy? Moi?

I would never have thought of myself as the nervy type, but clearly as I get older, I am becoming more and more so. When I sing in public nowadays (it doesn't happen often) I get so nervous that I start to feel sleepy. It's weird. When I sang at a wedding recently, I could have dozed off in my pew half an hour before it started, and that was despite being so sick with nerves that I could have boked!

This same affliction is haunting me big time at the moment. I have occasional days when I manage to believe that the marathon and I will hit it off, but for the most part, I think it's going to kick my ass, and I get the jitters accordingly. I need a coping mechanism to get me through the next five weeks of long runs, and then the marathon itself. If I could just tune out my surroundings in some way, I think I'd be okay, but I'm painfully aware of every passing footstep most of the time. I get so bored, just running and running. Saturday just past there was a perfect example. I was running for three hours and fifteen minutes. That time is going to double on the day itself. Marathon day might not be so bad, as there'll be thousands of other runners, and thousands more spectators. But what about the three sixteen mile Saturdays, and two eighteen mile Saturdays? What's going to occupy my brain on those? Like I said, I need a coping mechanism. My training book talks about being in a low to medium state of arousal about it, but I'm well over that threshold, since it disturbs my sleep sometime and gives me butterflies.

Am I starting to think of backing out? I sort of am, but not really. I don't have to do this. I've chosen to do it. So I can back out anytime I want to. It would mean explaining to anyone who's sponsored me, but that alone wouldn't stop me. But I'd be so annoyed with myself if I gave up now. I'm less than two months away from having finished a marathon. I've done more than half the training time now. I've run 171 miles since the 10th Jan in pursuit of this goal. It would be daft to stop now. I just need to learn to think one day at a time. Stop thinking so far ahead!

This morning's run was four miles, and it wasn't overly fast, but it was relatively comfortable, given my legs were a bit tired still after Saturday's run. It was very windy, but no rain. Overall, I've been lucky with the weather. Tomorrow it's seven miles, so another very early start for a Tuesday. I really must try to go to bed early tonight!

Bluhhhh....

....that's what I think of energy gels, at least the ones I tried today. It was my first time using them, and I was not expecting them to taste as if I was eating a tablespoon of runny jam! I say again,"Bluhhh!" The first hit was fresh and fruity, but immediately after, it tasted and felt sickly. I used a few with caffeine and a couple without. The instructions suggested two or three an hour, so I had one after the first half hour, then one every half hour after. I used six in the whole run. I did fourteen miles, and it took me three hours and fifteen minutes. I do not know what difference they made, along with the two litres of replacement fluid that I used, but they must have done something, given that they amounted to over 500 calories of carbohydrate. I felt really tired by mile ten, so the last four miles were tough, I was bored and fed up. But I just kept telling myself, "Only four more miles," or, "Less than five kilometers to go now." It would probably have felt a lot worse without the gels, so I don't think the taste and texture would stop me using them again. I might have a go at a different brand though.

Because of my fear of needing the loo, I decided not to run seven miles out, and seven miles back, or to run a seven mile loop of the ring road, then run it in reverse, as I'd originally thought I might. I thought I'd stay close to home, run a few laps of the park, then head out to the ring road for the last half. As it turned out, I ran the whole thing in the park. Fourteen laps, the same as the laps of the Parkrun. I ran nearly five Parkruns! See how thick the red line is in the map? That's me going round FOURTEEN TIMES in that area!

Did it add to my boredom? I'm not sure. I didn't use the audio book, as I was really trying to get into that focused state that my book talks about. I was trying to think just of the running. But I came in and out of my concentration. And I reached no sort of running nirvana. So that deserves another,"Bluhhhh!"

At least when I finally finished running this week, I didn't feel as if I was going to die. And while my legs are stiff, they aren't actually as bad as they have been in the past. Also, I ran the whole thing with no plasters on my feet at all. That's an improvement. And sometimes, my toes weren't scrunched up. All by themselves. Excellent.

I didn't eat as much shite this week afterwards as I did last week, so my stomach is more settled than it was then. I have used every extra calorie that I earned. But hey, it was a long run, I  used a lot of energy. I needed to replenish. (That sounds like a decent excuse. I  like it. Think I'll use it after the marathon so I can have  lots of ice cream)

In Between Day

This is the day after a run, but before the big run. It's a funny day in my head. (Funny, peculiar, not funny, haha.) Once yesterday's run was done, I got a whole day to appreciate the fact that there's no run today. But once it's today, I start to anticipate tomorrow's run. I start to get nervy. I'm coming to realize that I'm totally crap at living in the moment. So today's task is to try to just enjoy a day of rest, and only think about tomorrow's fourteen miles (FOURTEEN MILES!!!) when I'm getting my shit together for the morning. I will make up my sports drink and get a few gels together.

I'm going to try tomorrow's run without the audio book, to see if I can get more into the flow of running for the sake of running. My training book says the best way to do that is to get fully immersed in just the running. Think of breathing, foot strike, arms pumping, posture. Go into a sort of altered state of consciousness. Interesting. In my case, I also have to think of not scrunching up my toes. I find I do it automatically after a couple of miles, and then I'm more likely to get blisters and my toes hurt. With the new shoes, there's plenty of room, so no need for that, but I have to consciously unscrunch.

One of my biggest worries is needing to stop half way through the run for a pooh. It won't be such an issue on the marathon day, as there are loads of toilet stops, but that's not the case on the Bangor ring road, or the coastal path to Holywood! And the less said about my one stop on an overpass, one summer morning a couple of years ago, mid 10k run, the better! I'm half thinking of running the whole darn fourteen miles around the town and the park, just so I can be near my own loo! Boring? Yes. But comforting to my hyper wee brain. And I'm trying to get into an altered state, so my surroundings really shouldn't matter.

Yesterday I did four miles. It was really mild in comparison to some mornings, and I wore just a long sleeved top, no base layer or jacket. I was fairly comfortable throughout, and realized at about four km that I was on to beat my current best time. So for the last couple of km I deliberately tried to up my pace a bit, or at least not let it slip. And I did my fasted 5k time and fasted mile pace. Well chuffed. I might not run fast on the Saturday run, but I am improving (slowly.) I may yet be competition for that old woman walking the three legged dog!

I am actually thinking that once I'm finished with the marathon, I will work on my five and ten k times. Once that is, I've collapsed and remained comatose for about a week. I shit you not. I have already booked the necessary time off work for said period of unconsciousness.

If nothing else, this running lark, and using the myfitnesspal app to track my food, has resulted thus far in a weight loss of nearly two stone in two months. Go me! I'd dearly love at least a stone more to vamoose before the big day. Then I could be back under 200lb again. That's just over fourteen stone. That's starting to sound just normally overweight (yeah, I know it's still obese, but it sounds less than that, even on my wee five foot two personage.) I'll be "normal" yet!

Quick update: My knees feel great today. I can't believe how not-sore my knees are! Just right for me to do fourteen miles on in the morning, and wreck them all over again :-)  I love K T tape.

Mid Week Slump And It's Not Even Mid Week!

I'm so tired today. I had a second night of sleeplessness, and then got up at 4.45am to fit in a six mile run before work. Yeah, yeah, I know. Aren't I great! I just like getting the run done and out of the way. I'm much more likely to do it if I don't have it hanging over my head all day while I'm at work. I think I am creating my own sleeplessness by constantly worrying about getting the mileage done. This week, it's four, six and four before work. Never mind the long Saturday run. I can do that at my leisure, but I do worry about getting up early enough to cover the miles. In a week or two it builds to five, eight, five. Seriously, I refuse to get up any earlier than 4.30! Perhaps I'll sleep better tonight when I know I'm not getting up till 6.30am. No run in the morning. Bliss! (Though I'll miss the extra calories that I earn )

The run itself didn't have the feel-good factor that yesterday's did. There was a very cold wind blowing right in my face a lot of the time, and I was tired. I had to use a lot of positive talking to myself to get through it. I told myself that I was strong and getting stronger and that I was made of stern stuff so I couldn't quit.Corny, I know, but it got me though it. I don't want to set a precedent of not finishing a run. That would not be good for my moral. I must admit though that I thought I was going to have to stop to go to the loo though. That's been the case on a couple of runs now.

Well, I got through it, that's the main thing, and every time I finish a run that I don't want to finish, I get a little stronger. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Inversely Proportional.

Worst night's sleep ever last night, conversely best run in a while this morning. I don't get the correlation,  but who am I to argue? I went to bed, lights out, for 11.15pm and set the alarm for ten past five. I was aware of every hour that passed. The only thing I can think of to explain it was my anxiety about running this morning. The weather was to get cold again, with frost and snow, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to run. But it was okay. Cold, but no frost to speak of. (It's snowing heavily now though, so tomorrow's six miles might be in danger.)

As runs go though, I was constantly under eight minutes per km. That's slow, but it's a steady pace for me these days and I'm very happy with it. As I was awake anyway,  I got up a bit earlier than intended. That was just as well as it turned out, as I had to use the loo before I ran. And I mean really use the loo. It's been like that since I got home after the thirteen miles on Saturday. I'm starting to think it's related to what I ate. Between the date and cashew bars that I used on the run, the seed and cereal energy bars I had for breakfast and then the bag of Haribo jellies, that I ate just coz they were there, I think all the sugar and fibre has gone straight to my gut. I had another pooh after the run! While I appreciate the benefits of being regular,  I do hope these effects don't go on for long. It will be gels this week so long as they arrive before Saturday, and porridge after the run. No more cereal bars or Haribo!

Because of my uncertainty over the weather, I changed my route. Then, seeing it wasn't icy at all, I changed it again. I ended up running part of a regular route backwards and it was refreshing to not know exactly how many km away from home each step was taking me. I'm sure it added to the feel-good factor of the run.

This snow isn't easing off, in fact, it's getting harder. I hope I don't lose many days of training.

Half Marathon!

Yesterday's mileage was the scariest yet. And the most rewarding (once it was done!) I actually ran thirteen miles. Of course, it depends on how loosely we define the word run, especially in the last two or three miles. My patented move, the Shambolic Shuffle, really came into its own then. But regardless of the fact that an old woman, walking a three legged dog could have overtaken me, I still did the whole distance without stopping. And I'm very proud of myself.

It's very easy for me to to  get caught up in  the miles that  I still have to do, instead of celebrating what I've already achieved. Yesterday, once I got home, I tried  to concentrate on what an amazing thing I'd just done. It took me three hours and one minute, but I did it. Of course, that sort of time will  take my whole marathon time to over six hours, which is the threshold that I'd like to beat, but I can't get preoccupied with that. I just have to finish! I need to keep telling myself that.

I ran to Donaghdee and back. It was less intimidating to run somewhere and return, than it was to do what I did last week, which was to run the whole distance, then get the train home. I got cold and stiff on the train, which was quite unpleasant. At least this week, when things got tough at about mile ten, I knew I was on my way home. The last two miles especially were not easy. It's hard to tell on the way out, but they are very much on a gradient, and  it's all uphill on the way home. I'm not joking when I say that a dog walker could have overtaken me. I really was on a go slow. But in hindsight I don't care. I didn't stop. I didn't give up.

The book told me last week to have a mantra that I can recite to myself. Mine is (please pardon how corny it sounds) "I am a marathoner. I love to run. I run with a smile on my face. I always finish my run. I am strong and  getting stronger. I am a marathoner." If I say it over and over to myself, I get into a rhythm with it, and I sort of forget where I am for a bit. A few of the kilometers went in quite quickly that way. Of course, when  I say to myself, "I run with a smile on my face," and I try to actually smile, it's more of a rictus grin, but I'll keep working on it, because occasionally it comes off as quite natural.

Yesterday was the first time I've tried to fuel on the go. I will try gels next week, but they didn't arrive in time this week, so I used dried fruit and nut bars, along with my sports drink. I'm not sure if it did any good,but perhaps the last few miles would have been more difficult if I hadn't eaten them. I used nearly two litres of fluid replacement, so I'm getting used to drinking on the run.

My shoes, which I'm now convinced are half a size too small for longer runs, when my feet swell up, did not give me too much bother yesterday. My toes were well plastered up, and I had a good Compeed plaster on my right heel, and barring getting my first proper blister on my left big toe, my tootsies remained in relatively good shape. I went out today though and bought a pair of Brooks shoes, in a size seven. It's about a month earlier than I meant to buy new shoes, but they were only £50, so I won't feel too bad if I decide to buy another pair before the marathon. They feel nice and wide at the toes, so as they swell with mileage, they have room to spread out a bit. I hope they weren't too cheap. I hope they offer enough support.

Enough waffle for now. I'm going to plot out my fourteen mile route for next week.

Update... forgot to say that I'm still neglecting the stretching. Not sensible at all. I do a couple of stretches after the long run, but a lot of them hurt my knees, so I don't do many, or do them for very long. And I know my core strength is not good enough. I have been meaning to work on some ab exercises since the start of January. So only two months late then! Still better late than never, so I did fifteen sit ups, five crunches, five leg raises and a ten second plank this evening. I will do the same tomorrow. It's the thirty day ab programme that I started before,but didn't complete because I hurt myself around day eleven. So I'm just going to take it easy and not increase the reps every day. I will do something for three days in a row, possibly increase a little on one of those days, and then have an abs rest day. That will strengthen them a bit.

The other update is that I wish I could get rid of the nerves I always feel when  I start to think of running, especially the long runs, or the weather when it's cold. I really worry about ice stopping me going out. And when I do go out, I worry about slipping and hurting myself. But my biggest worry is the long run, where I'm going to do it, whether I'll be able to finish it, whether I'll hurt myself by doing too much or not being well enough fueled or hydrated, all that sort of stuff. And actually, those nerves are under the surface pretty much all of the time. I am really looking  forward to this effing marathon being over so I can finally rid of the constant butterflies.