Nervy? Moi?

I would never have thought of myself as the nervy type, but clearly as I get older, I am becoming more and more so. When I sing in public nowadays (it doesn't happen often) I get so nervous that I start to feel sleepy. It's weird. When I sang at a wedding recently, I could have dozed off in my pew half an hour before it started, and that was despite being so sick with nerves that I could have boked!

This same affliction is haunting me big time at the moment. I have occasional days when I manage to believe that the marathon and I will hit it off, but for the most part, I think it's going to kick my ass, and I get the jitters accordingly. I need a coping mechanism to get me through the next five weeks of long runs, and then the marathon itself. If I could just tune out my surroundings in some way, I think I'd be okay, but I'm painfully aware of every passing footstep most of the time. I get so bored, just running and running. Saturday just past there was a perfect example. I was running for three hours and fifteen minutes. That time is going to double on the day itself. Marathon day might not be so bad, as there'll be thousands of other runners, and thousands more spectators. But what about the three sixteen mile Saturdays, and two eighteen mile Saturdays? What's going to occupy my brain on those? Like I said, I need a coping mechanism. My training book talks about being in a low to medium state of arousal about it, but I'm well over that threshold, since it disturbs my sleep sometime and gives me butterflies.

Am I starting to think of backing out? I sort of am, but not really. I don't have to do this. I've chosen to do it. So I can back out anytime I want to. It would mean explaining to anyone who's sponsored me, but that alone wouldn't stop me. But I'd be so annoyed with myself if I gave up now. I'm less than two months away from having finished a marathon. I've done more than half the training time now. I've run 171 miles since the 10th Jan in pursuit of this goal. It would be daft to stop now. I just need to learn to think one day at a time. Stop thinking so far ahead!

This morning's run was four miles, and it wasn't overly fast, but it was relatively comfortable, given my legs were a bit tired still after Saturday's run. It was very windy, but no rain. Overall, I've been lucky with the weather. Tomorrow it's seven miles, so another very early start for a Tuesday. I really must try to go to bed early tonight!